Growing up I had an understanding with myself.
There were things that came naturally to me, and things that felt too scary to even consider trying.
It didn’t stop me from watching and following along with what other people were doing, though. If anything, my curiosity kept me busy reading and watching what they were up to.
Every now and then I’d challenge myself and tip toe into trying something new.
One of these times happened when I was in grade 4.
I was standing on the side of the deep end of a swimming pool during a group lesson, about to jump in. when it felt like a voice in my head saying, “Don’t jump! It’s too deep. What if you don’t come up fast enough?”
So I stood on the edge of the pool for 1 minute, 2 minutes, 5, 7…until the swim instructor told me it was time to move onto another exercise in the shallow end.
I was left believing that the deep end was simply too scary to try again.
I didn’t speak to anyone about the experience at the time.
Since everyone else seemed to catapult into the water and swim with such ease, I began to believe that swimming was not meant for me.
There were other things I was good at and I focused on them instead.
For years there was a part of me that wondered what would have really happened if I hadn’t listened to the voice in my head, who had never jumped into deep water, and instead listened to the trained instructor.
It wasn’t until my mid-teens that I attempted the deep end again. Thanks to the patience and encouragement of my lifeguard friend, I jumped in repeatedly with great results!
Our minds are incredibly powerful.
They can guide us into creative ideas and expansive plans, or they can shut down our beliefs of what’s possible.
I learned much later that since our brains are wired to conserve energy to run our body’s intricate systems and to keep us safe, my experience at the pool as a kid was not so uncommon.
The part of our brains that help keep us safe is called the amygdala. It regulates emotions and influences our decision-making.
So it would seem that when I was teetering at the edge of the pool as a kid, my amygdala was on high alert.
Since then I’ve experienced countless other times where my brain elicited what I now know to call a “freeze response.”
Knowing this gives me so much more compassion for myself if I feel hesitant about something new.
It’s just my brain keeping me safe.
I get it. We all want our loved ones to be safe – from real danger.
Your inner voice is formed from a young age, and includes what others have spoken into your life, as well as things that you’ve witnessed.
If you are someone who has lived in a marginalized body or community, the depth of danger your brain has been protecting you from is heightened.*
So how do you begin to tame your inner voice so that you make real progress and not live in a perpetual state of “freeze”?
In recent years I’ve become aware of some practices that have helped me move into experiences that I would have historically avoided.
- Ask better questions
Whenever I find myself shying away from something new, I ask myself why. Is it because I’m holding onto an old story of something that’s not true anymore? Or is it that I genuinely don’t have interest in the new thing? I share some of my favourite high-vibe questions in episode 186 of the podcast.
- Get into your body
Taking 3-4 deep inhales and slow exhales, while placing my hand on my heart, gets me out of my head. It distances me from the situation and the ideas spinning in my head. Reminding myself that I’m safe and that I have a choice releases any tension that may be present.
- Take a nature break
There’s something about being amongst trees and fresh air that recalibrates us. Being in the natural world, regardless of the season, reminds me that I’m part of something greater. It puts my challenge in perspective and often gives me a sense of calm.
- Meditate
Even a short, 10 minute meditation can recalibrate your nervous system. When done over time, meditation has been shown to enhance positive emotions and shrink negative ones.
- Name your amygdala
It took me years, but I did this recently. My protective brain is now called “Gilda.” Whenever I find myself getting stuck in indecision, comparison, fear, or overwhelm, it’s Gilda’s doing. I lovingly engage her in conversation, letting her know that I’m a grown, wise woman and that we’re safe. This usually makes me laugh, which stimulates a cascade of feel-good hormones and changes my state.
You may find that practicing some or all of these things will bring you more peace when you go about trying something new.
May you find peace and joy as you live into the vision you have for your life!
Tell Me:
If you could name the “voice in your head” that is trying to keep you safe, what would their name be? Tell me in the comments!
Blessings,
Sheila
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*Receiving guidance from a therapist is helpful in moving through trauma.
