I love the changing seasons. Do you? I get a little giddy when I know I’m about to embark on another new season with my family and in my personal goals. New growth. New connections. Deeper connections. But sometimes, life gets in the way.
Know what I mean?
You’ve got it all figured out and then, Boom! Your company decides to move to a different city. They’re really kind in offering you the option of uprooting you family and moving with them. But then, you can always find a new job. You feel thrown.
You’re finally ready to start a family. You and your spouse have been working hard on your careers, saving money, and moving into an amazing, family-friendly neighbourhood. After a long time trying, you discover that you are unable to conceive. You feel emotionally exhausted and heartbroken.
You’re all set to embark on a travel adventure. After years of working, planning, and saving, this is it! At the last minute, a loved one gets really sick and you are the only available caregiver. Of course you’ll do the right thing, but the timing is uncanny. You feel sad and guilty for being so disappointed.
It can get messy
I’ve personally experienced situations in my life like these and have walked alongside loved ones who have. There’s no way around it – it’s hard. What has also been true is that myself and the people going through similar trials have always ended up on the other side. It was dark, but somehow, we made it through. And most of the time we were better for it.
Dig deep
“It’s in the depth of trials where character is born.” I don’t remember where I heard this but I believe it’s true. For years I’ve been writing my thoughts on paper and into song lyrics. When I was younger, I found my material to be very fluffy, lacking the depth of my favourite songwriters. It wasn’t until I had experienced more in life that I was able to convey deeper emotion through my words. More importantly, I was able to be more empathetic with those who where struggling. Songs are great, but a hug and someone who’s got your back is better.
I’m one of those people who believes everything happens for a reason. Whether it’s true or not, I choose to believe that what I’m going through will have some value for me or someone else. That perspective has been helpful during the darker moments in my life. It becomes more true to me each time a friend shares a story from their life and I find encouragement from it.
Everyone has a back-story
Those five words work wonders in finding empathy for those hard-to-love people in our lives. They’re a reminder that everyone is they way they are because of the joys, tragedies, successes, and failures they’ve experienced. What’s cool is that this can evoke feelings of empathy, if we let it.
The cherry on top
When we feel empathy for someone, our nervous system gets a hit of the feel-good hormone, oxytocin. This is the opposite of the stress hormone, cortisol. And if you’re looking to avoid chronic illness, you can never have too much oxytocin. Here are some other actions you can take to elevate your oxytocin levels:
- Do a good deed
- Hug someone
- Donate to a cause you believe in
- Go for a walk/exercise
- Breathe deeply
- Laugh
- Listen to relaxing music
- Phone a friend
Regular self-care
Never before has it been more important to take a grown-up ‘time-out.’ The demands of life can leave us feeling depleted and open to illness. This is why I talk a lot about self-care and living with ease. When you regularly do healthy things that bring you joy and relax you, you’re better prepared for when life gets in the way. Instead of being completely crushed, you can face your crisis or be emotionally available to help someone with theirs.
So I give you permission right now to go do something that brings you joy! Crank up the volume on your favourite song and sing it at the top of your lungs. Breathe deeply and think of all you’re grateful for. Good things are just around the corner.
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Blessings,
Sheila
